Depression ( What it is. What it's not)

DEPRESSION                 ( what is, what it’s not, symptoms, and coming to terms with )

Most of us will be familiar with these words written and sung by Simon and Garfunkel

Hello, darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

And going on to verse 3

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

          I believe these  words are particularly poignant to me and to many who are feeling life is hopeless or without meaning. Depression can be a bit like this, ....like sitting in a thick dark cloud , not being able to escape or see a way forward. I’ve heard it described as being ‘trapped’. Verse 3 above  speaks to me of a person being  in the proximity of many others, possibly thousands, and watching, seeing and observing their actions  yet somehow being detached from the real world and all that’s going on around them; ‘hearing without listening’ !

Depression: what it’s not. Most of us have our  down days or ‘downers’ at some stage in our lives. We may have been up too late the night before, lost sleep and be  without energy to face the new day. Perhaps we’ve been rejected for yet another job and feel pretty miserable about it. We have a cold, flu or some other pernicious virus and we feel ‘run down’. We may be anxious about an interview, exam or whether or not we get the right exam results. We may feel let down badly by someone which is even worse if it’s someone quite close to us or maybe we ourselves have let a friend down. Debt, relationship problems , bereavements, disappointments, problems a the  workplace .. ...all of these and more can and do happen. None of us are immune from these feelings!  However they can , of course, lead to periods of serious depression. They can act as very real triggers. For the most part, though, these are episodes from which we recover, not instantly, but generally in a reasonably short space of time.

 If, on the other hand, these episodes paralyze our lives , are a constant intrusion into our minds and make us feel helpless or unable to function normally,  then  we are most likely suffering from a form of depression .           Apart from  the things already mentioned, we might add – abuse from an adult relationship or even childhood experience,  loneliness... living on your own without friends or the social skills to make friends, bereavement ... the loss of a friends, a  family member which  causes grief but that grief becomes long term and relentless.... The depression gnaws away at our innermost being and completely dominates our minds. At this stage some may even contemplate suicide. They feel that life simply isn’t worth living any more with the inner pain that they feel. 

 So what are some of the symptoms to watch for and pick up on in others or even  ourselves.?

Symptoms. I’ve tried to think of just a few common ones. The list is not exhaustive but these are just some that I’ve come across:  anger, rudeness, lack of communication, finding it difficult to talk or hold a meaningful conversation. (The latter can be even more evident if that person is generally fairly chirpy)    isolation...the person tends to spend more and more time on their own ! not eating ( this can lead to some form of eating disorder, a common symptom of depression )

      In order to make up for inadequacies they feel or symptoms mentioned, a person may turn to alcohol or drugs, frequently resulting in addiction. This is their form of ‘escape route’ , numbing the mind to the invasive thoughts that trouble them.

          These are all warning signs to look out for but how can we          help ?

Helpful /Unhelpful:  

DO NOT SAY:- ‘ cheer up. You’ll feel better soon.’ Or ‘You’ll get over it, don’t worry’ or worse ‘pull yourself together, man.’ Or sentiments expressed in a similar vein.

 Then what can I do?       Befriend the person if not already friends. Risky, perhaps, as they may not want your friendship  but worth a try !                                                                                             If you fell close enough to the person and you’ve noticed  he/she hasn’t ‘been themselves’ lately ASK!                                              ‘ Is there something troubling you?’                                        ‘ I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself lately. Things OK ?’  ‘ I haven’t seen you for a while. How are you doing?’ or maybe you need to be bold and ask ‘How’s life?’

If you have something of a mutual interest eg. A hobby or  sport, walking, visiting places etc.    then maybe suggest doing one these activities together. Make a date and STICK TO IT !

          Sometimes these things help. Sometimes they don’t1                   If your gestures of goodwill are not well received don’t let it upset you. Try hard not to take it personally ! If the person needs space ‘right now’ then respect that so never bombard them with constant phone calls, emails or text messages. They can easily irritate people more! 

          Suggest the person sees a doctor or counsellor. A doctor may prescribe medication which calms THE person down, helps with sleep and relaxation,   or he could give  them an anti-psychotic drug if necessary.    Talking therapy such as CBT , Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, may well help them, but sadly the waiting time for appointments can be far too long. If the person ever mentions  suicide then don’t hesitate to call the appropriate emergency service on their behalf !

The effects on family and friends: This can be equally devastating. The family member living with the sufferer is suddenly thrust into the role of carer. He/she can find themselves responsible for  the person, a child ( there is  an increasing number of children suffering from anxiety or some psychological disorder) , a teenager who finds it hard to leave the house,  a spouse or an elderly relative . The carers  needs help themselves and finds a real dilemma in knowing how much time they can give to the sufferer especially if they still have to hold down a job to pay the bills ! A break from their caring duties is essential if they themselves are not going to slide downhill! They need to recruit other willing friends and family members if at all possible,  and to look for groups that they can join where it may be possible to meet others in similar situations to themselves . I know of at least one group that was set up specifically for carers to meet socially and express themselves in writing.                                                                          There are many other associations out there . Hopefully there will be one nearby that they can ‘tap into’.

And finally .  For those of us who are Christians PRAY. Pray for the one who is ill and if they allow it,  pray with them. Assure them that God cares and holds them in His arms and will bring them through and ultimately out of the depths they find themselves in . There are many encouragements in scripture with some lovely verses and promises in the psalms for instance:

Psalm 121v1&2      “I lift up my eyes to the mountains-- where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.”

Psalm 42v11    “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God.”

 May God bless and show His face in kindness to any  who read this and especially to those who are in the depths of despair .                            Do read Pslam 23 , a favourite of mine  , the words of the hymn based upon it  often familiar to believer and unbeliever alike.